I smile as I reflect on the days that have just ended. To be going through so much at once, to be laying bare on the center stage of life as it beats me brutally as all of them watch. The ones that have left me here.
A past, almost lover was the catalyst to the beginning of a vicious cycle. Cancer the culprit to my underlying, almost surfacing anger. My loved ones, that I may lose in the glorified process of it all, the motivation.
I am human, I remind myself. I too will feel as life is happening to me when I am aware that this is not the case.
Life is not a random series of events that happen to unfold in this way or that way because you took this or that path.
This is all a very strategic, organized and predetermined manifestation of all it is we have been drawing toward us, from within.
Nothing happens by accident. Nothing.
Every small part of ones day has a significant message but if one remains unaware, which most tend to, then life’s messages are never received.
I have learned that to be aware you must first become awakened.
And the journey, the road to awakening, is not one for the faint hearted.
It comes without disguise as it surfaces through the rivers in your blood.
It comes without surprise as it is born within the consciousness.
It is easily seen but not easily felt.
Overcoming fear by utilizing fear itself to benefit the mind and push the body forward is never mastered but can be achieved.
I know this first hand for I have stared fear in the eyes while pounding my chest and raising my sword and said
“I am not through with you, feed me more poison, leave me starving for love and anything else I may long for desperately. Leave me empty of all it is I have believed would fulfill me. Allow all that has once kept me whole to break me. With weakened palms, I am making a warrior of brittle bones. So give me time and patience but do not leave me without fear. Do not take it easy on me.”